How the depression started

Let’s start with a little brief history of myself. I am the youngest of 6 daughters. My mother passed away when I five years old. I didn’t realize at the time how much I was affected by this. I was too young to know the difference. I always was referred to as the cry baby of the house, everyone made fun of me. I went to go see the OBGYN for the first time when I was 15 (given my mother’s history. They diagnosed me with sever depression with the possibility of bi-polar disorder. But that was pretty much it. As I got older, it was a joke amongst my sisters on who was taking the most anti-anxiety medications. My family was like a walking pharmacy. I didn’t realize how bad that had jacked me up inside.

The first time anyone realized, including myself, how bad my depression was I was seventeen years old. I had gotten in a fight with my father and all I could think about was dying. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Any of it! I kept convincing myself that everything would be easier, if I was dead like my mom. No one would care if I was gone and I would have to deal with all of these things. (over a fight with my dad remind you). I ran to the bathroom and found whatever I could in the medicine cabinet. I don’t know what I took. No one ever could really tell. But if I recall- it was over about 100 pills of lord knows what. My father found me passed out in my bedroom and few hours later to no response. He took me directly to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and had me see a psychologist. That was the beginning of my life long relationship with depression.