Every morning I wake up, start my coffee, do my pilates, get in the shower, start to get ready. And then, there they are. Staring me in the face. My medicine cabinet full of anti depressants and anti anxiety pills. I don't want to take them, I don't want to HAVE to take pills so I don't freak out on the Walmart cashier or scream at my mini dachshund for pissing on my rug. I don't want to. But I have to. The second I think I'm getting better and I stop taking my pills, My life seems to go off the deep end again.
So there I sit, with my morning coffee and take my pills. Chug them down with french vanilla. I don't want to and I know alot of other women feel the same way. But I have to. To be a good mom, a good girlfriend, and a good employee... I have to. Life sucks and then you take a pill. Ain't life grand?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Do I have to take medication???
I never wanted to be that person that had to rely on medications to make me function. After almost 15 years of dealing with this, I've come to realize I have to. I get to a point where I think I'm better, and I stop taking them. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW. If you are prescribed medication for depression, most likely, YOU NEED THEM. And trust me I've tried them all.... But Working with your doctor, you can learn to manage depression. You may have to try a few different medications to find the one that works best for you. Your doctor may also recommend that you see a therapist and/or make certain lifestyle changes. This isn't going to go away by itself.
Change won't come overnight—but with the right treatment, you can keep depression from overshadowing your life. I'm learning everyday.
Change won't come overnight—but with the right treatment, you can keep depression from overshadowing your life. I'm learning everyday.
Get your body moving
So today has been good so far. I've been doing my pilates work-out again and it seems to help. I've always done them off and on for the past 10 years, but I must say that consistency is key. I've been at my lowest weight doing pilates and my highest weight, not doing pilates. Enough said. But it certainly helps the seretonin in my brain get balanced. Check out this pilates website I found for instructions to do at home, if you can't afford to do Windsor Pilates. It gets your metabolism going and seems to truly make the mind feel better.
Monday, July 27, 2009
How the depression started
Let’s start with a little brief history of myself. I am the youngest of 6 daughters. My mother passed away when I five years old. I didn’t realize at the time how much I was affected by this. I was too young to know the difference. I always was referred to as the cry baby of the house, everyone made fun of me. I went to go see the OBGYN for the first time when I was 15 (given my mother’s history. They diagnosed me with sever depression with the possibility of bi-polar disorder. But that was pretty much it. As I got older, it was a joke amongst my sisters on who was taking the most anti-anxiety medications. My family was like a walking pharmacy. I didn’t realize how bad that had jacked me up inside.
The first time anyone realized, including myself, how bad my depression was I was seventeen years old. I had gotten in a fight with my father and all I could think about was dying. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Any of it! I kept convincing myself that everything would be easier, if I was dead like my mom. No one would care if I was gone and I would have to deal with all of these things. (over a fight with my dad remind you). I ran to the bathroom and found whatever I could in the medicine cabinet. I don’t know what I took. No one ever could really tell. But if I recall- it was over about 100 pills of lord knows what. My father found me passed out in my bedroom and few hours later to no response. He took me directly to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and had me see a psychologist. That was the beginning of my life long relationship with depression.
The first time anyone realized, including myself, how bad my depression was I was seventeen years old. I had gotten in a fight with my father and all I could think about was dying. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Any of it! I kept convincing myself that everything would be easier, if I was dead like my mom. No one would care if I was gone and I would have to deal with all of these things. (over a fight with my dad remind you). I ran to the bathroom and found whatever I could in the medicine cabinet. I don’t know what I took. No one ever could really tell. But if I recall- it was over about 100 pills of lord knows what. My father found me passed out in my bedroom and few hours later to no response. He took me directly to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and had me see a psychologist. That was the beginning of my life long relationship with depression.
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my blog. This is new for me but I am hoping to help any mothers or just plain and simple women out there that may share the same experiences as myself. To start, I am twenty seven years old and I am a mother of a 4-year old boy (almost 5). He is the light of my life. I am currently engaged to twenty eight year old man who is my best friend. He is not the father of my son, which does cause issues, but we’ll talk about that later.
I have suffered with Depression my entire life. It is something that I wish would go away. It is something I thought that I could over-power. It was something that has completely taken a hold of my life, my family & my job. I think that I have finally realized how I can get a grasp on this problem that I was always hoping was not reality. I am a depressed mother of one. I can’t sleep, I’m tried, I’m irritable and I keep gaining weight. But….I am also a very successful mother of one. I am a beautiful mother of one.
I hope that any women out there that might feel the same way, have advice, share stories, and we can get through this disease together. Because it is a disease, but it is tangible to handle it. We, as women can handle it together. Here I will post a daily/weekly entry of situations that I deal with in my life and hopefully I can reach out to a few women and we can help each other. Consider it a journal entry, that I am posting for the world to see.
I have suffered with Depression my entire life. It is something that I wish would go away. It is something I thought that I could over-power. It was something that has completely taken a hold of my life, my family & my job. I think that I have finally realized how I can get a grasp on this problem that I was always hoping was not reality. I am a depressed mother of one. I can’t sleep, I’m tried, I’m irritable and I keep gaining weight. But….I am also a very successful mother of one. I am a beautiful mother of one.
I hope that any women out there that might feel the same way, have advice, share stories, and we can get through this disease together. Because it is a disease, but it is tangible to handle it. We, as women can handle it together. Here I will post a daily/weekly entry of situations that I deal with in my life and hopefully I can reach out to a few women and we can help each other. Consider it a journal entry, that I am posting for the world to see.
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